Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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