covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
