I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
