I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
