My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
