I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have feelings that need drinking.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
