the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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