allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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