it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
