break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
