Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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