Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
