You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
