u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
