After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
