and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
is it fun? or sober?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
