just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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