a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
foreskin is a definite game changer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
