I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
