i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
