just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
