Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
