No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
