just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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