can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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