How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In America we eat man semen.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
