I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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