I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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