Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
