States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
