and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
