If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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