Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
