my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
