this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My life is pants optional.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
