Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
