he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
