You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
