i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
