it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
