Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pants are for mortals
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
