Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
