I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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