Don't you send me to vm
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
