this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
