you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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