Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
