There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
