My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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