Whod you bang
wanna go halves on a baby?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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