Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
