Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
