I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
