Define "chronic" masturbator.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
