Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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