Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
