I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
