Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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