I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
